Ko-Fi

Monday, February 2, 2015

Just Another Superbowl

This Superbowl was a good game but the commercials were horseshit.  Depressing, sentimental crap that really brought the mood down.  I don't need advertising execs trying to jerk a tear out of me in their $10 million 60-seconds of glory.

I think what really pissed me off the most were the attempts at legitimizing the NFL's non-profit status by making these players out to be humanitarians.  Sure, some of these guys do great work in their communities.  But most of us know the average player is a large man-child partying their asses off when they're not at practice.

This is why those commercials about social responsibility pissed me off so much.  Fuck your social responsibility!  I'm not watching this shitshow of gladiatorial combat so I can be reminded of how bad life is around me.  I'm fully aware life sucks.  And your attempts at getting me to be responsible only piss me off more.  You fuckers are lucky I don't leave bodies around rotting in the sun because I had a bad day.  Don't push your luck trying to draw a line connecting my life and the fate of little Deshawn in some city that doesn't need snowplows.

No, I'm watching this gaudy display of forced patriotism in hopes of seeing the spectacle everybody is going to be talking about for days.  I used to love football and now I see it as a distraction from the world around me.

Sometimes I need a distraction.  My mind goes to bad places and picks at scabs that need to heal.  Sometimes, She is harder to forget in the silence, and Her absence hurts just as much as her presence.

But that's okay because we had a ton of friggin' snow and we've got a bad Superbowl game to watch.  My team wasn't in it, so I was just watching for the spectacle of a it, and hoping to see something unscripted.  When watching an event like that, only the unscripted is worth watching, be it a brawl at the end of a game or a dancer falling off stage.  It's the only thing that interests me.

We had a ton of snow this weekend here in the Stateline area.  And it's really fucking cold.  Winter is going to drag on like a monotonous economics lecture.

Years ago, I was working at a gas station and winter just wouldn't quite.  A regular customer came in with a tan and said she'd missed the past 2 blizzards because she was in Florida.  Then she went on to say the temps were in the 80's and humid.

Something inside of me broke.  I felt it.  It was like a piece of my brain checked out and wasn't coming back for a very long time.

I looked down at the register and the money.  For a few minutes, I had a note in my head already worked out.

Dear People Involved,
Normally I would never do this, but fuck y'all!  I'm cold!  I'll come back when I warm up.  

XOXO
Ted
P.S.  IOU $3,340.00 and I'll pay it back when I return.


Then, in my head, I calculated I could drive my beat-up old Ford pick up down to the southernmost point of Texas.  Corpus Christi, I believe.  I had asked a guy with a tractor to dump a load of snow in the back for weight.  My goal was to drive all the way there fast enough so when I arrived at the Gulf of Mexico, I could dump at least some of that snow in and watch it melt.

Something happened to me, though.  Sanity took over and I realized I was trapped in this frozen misery with everybody else.  I remember going home feeling very sad and depressed.

But as for the snow in the back of my truck, I have to tell you folks about the crap I dealt with, because there are some dumb motherfuckers in this world.

It's common in the Midwest to dump snow in your truck's bed for weight in the winter.  The weight helps traction.  People kept asking me why I had snow in the back of my truck.  They were serious about it, too.

I got tired of those questions until I realized how much fun my answers could be.

"Well, the goal is to save it until July, then sell it to folks who need ice for their beer."  

"That's special snow that came in from Canada.  It's purer than our snow and better for lots of stuff."  

"I'm selling it.  How much do you want to buy?"  

"I didn't put that snow there.  I parked it outside one night and it all just drifted into the back of my truck."  

"I put it back there so people don't ask me to help them move."  

"It keeps the bodies underneath frozen."  


People are dumb and the shits are killing us.  Have fun when you can.



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