Peanut Butter on My Trout

Somebody keeps putting peanut butter on my trout and it's pissing me off.

Let me explain.

One of my favorite scenes from the sit-com 3rd Rock From the Sun was when Dick and Harry were walking in the woods.  Dick had a jar of peanut butter and Harry had a trout.  The bit was a parody of the old Reese's Peanut Butter Cups commercials from the 70's.  

The audio clip is from the show.  

This is the problem with my writing as of late.  I can't keep anything pure. 

The horror makes people laugh.  The humor makes people cringe.  And the last time I tried to write a sex scene an Anatomy prof in some college used it on an exam.  He took out a few words and the Pre-Med students had to fill-in the blanks. 

Now I'm working on a couple of projects that embrace that lack of purity.  I'm not happy about it.  I want the horror to bother people and the comedy to make people laugh.  What's so hard about that? 

Instead, I have a story in submission to Infernal Ink about a unicorn that shits gold.  I also have a short story in submission to Untied Shoelaces of the Mind under thriller/crime because I just couldn't figure out where else to put it.  It wasn't scary enough and it wasn't funny. 

And I still can't find a place for my necrophilia romantic comedy.  The places that do romantic comedies don't want to even hear about necrophilia.  One editor, who didn't put in the guidelines that he wasn't accepting necro stories, now has a little blurb that says, "I thought it went without saying we weren't interested in necrophilia stories, but apparently somebody needed to be told." 

That was me.  Sorry. 

It's hard having peanut butter on my trout.  Or trout in my peanut butter.  Frankly, I like them both, just not together.

I'm currently doing what can only be described as a fan fiction piece for a group of friends on a comedy writing forum.  It's turned into this meta fiction piece that resembles a collaborative effort with Mel Brooks, Hunter S. Thompson and M.R. James.  And it's so meta that nobody can understand it.  It's like a subjective look at an acid trip.

So yes, I have peanut butter on my trout.  I'm writing extremely dark comedy, humorous horror and the occasional dark romance piece.   My goal for this weekend is to make some progress on a couple of things and get another couple of short stories submitted out because that's the only way I can keep what's left of my sanity. 

Excelsior!