I love you.
It's three simple words I have wanted to tell a number of women in my life but never could because of various reasons. Most commonly, because it's too powerful of a statement and often the fastest way to get rid of somebody is to tell them you love them.
Or worse, they will assume something is wrong with you because you love them. They'll ask you why and how and then you'll have to go into a long monologue detailing all of the reasons your heart latched on to them like a facehugger from Alien.
There have been times I have wanted to tell someone I loved them just because I felt to not do so was a sin against the fortune I had been given, as if not taking advantage of that moment somehow offended the gods, because they moved mountains for that moment to become a reality and I was wasting it.
But no, I've had to hold my tongue far too often in this life. There are women I loved a long time ago and still love today but can't say a word because it would complicate things beyond comprehension. Telling them how I felt, and continue to feel, would fill the room (or intertubes) like a rapidly expanding and combustible gas. It would become something so awkward it would border on toxic.
So what is a man to do?
I cook.
I have lost count how many times I've made special dishes for women just so I could say "I love you" without words. Instead, I spelled the words out in dairy, sugar, and strawberries. Rather than eloquently recite a poem professing my fondness, I spelled with apples, oats, and brown sugar to make an apple crisp.
I have told a woman "I would do anything for you" by means of sushi and I have told a woman she was the first person I thought of in the morning and the last person I thought of when I went to bed by giving her a slice of custard pie.
And then there is ice cream.
I got my first ice cream maker about 13 or 14 years ago at a St. Vincent of DePaul thrift store for only $5.00. My first batch of ice cream was terrible but soon after I got the hang of it and embarked on a path of decadence that has taken me to all manner of pleasure.
I'm constantly making ice cream. Even though I'm spending money I can ill-afford to burn, I am making ice cream almost every week. And then I take pictures of it and post them online. I'll come back to the videos I posted on Youtube in a few paragraphs.
As for the ice cream itself, I give that way to people I care about. Neighbors, friends, and the select lady here and there. There have been women who have begged me to bring them ice cream and women who have begged me to stop. And when those moments came, I asked myself, "does she know I'm telling her how much I care about her with these bowls of ice cream?"
I've had women be genuinely surprised at the ice cream I've given them, expecting some lame DIY kitchen effort, only to find a well-rounded and developed flavor that was rich and scoopable.
I'm good at what I do.
So what about those who are important to me but are too far away to actually try anything? That's where the pictures and videos come in to play. Food pron. I've been posting a lot of it recently because I want watch them and get hungry. On Twitter, I've been tagging people lately, because I want them to have happy things sing for their attention instead of dreary news stories about yet another stupid thing.
The other reason I post food pron is envy. My life ain't that grand so when I find something in it others want, I brag about it.
I've found that when I post picture of my latest ice cream batch, people tend to feel better, because just seeing ice cream elevates their mood and makes their day better. I love doing that for folks. Especially for the ones I care about.
Sometimes I get frustrated. It's like showing a woman you're madly in love with picture of a dozen roses and telling her how great they smell. I'm sure she'd love to get those roses in her hands. Or at least be in the same room as those roses.
It's frustrating for me, too, because I want to put that ice cream in her hands so she can decide if it goes in her belly or not.
I used to think the fastest way to a woman's heart was through the ribcage. But after speaking to a few of them, I learned that old say, "the fastest way to a woman's heart is through her stomach." That's not true, either, but I'm going to go with it for now.
There are videos on my channel dedicated to specific people. And there are videos out there still dedicated to certain people but I kept their names out because I wanted to respect their privacy.
Or maybe I was afraid. Because honestly, it's easier for most people to just say, "I love you" or "I'm madly in love with you" than to make and edit, the post, a video showing them making ice cream.
You have to be careful who you say "I love you" to because it might be the last time you speak to them. Nobody wants a big, creepy guy in a van mysteriously falling in love with them. Uninvited love is scary. I am incredibly aware of this and often say little, if anything, because I'd rather be the quiet one in her presence than the talkative one she avoids.
It's a trade-off we creepy guys have to make.
There are times when I've asked women, "do you want some ice cream?" but the real question I was asking was, "could you please stick around for a few minutes because I really enjoy your company."
I treat ice cream as an edible sonnet dedicated to how much I care about someone. And while that someone might tell me it looks and sounds good, what I hear is, "I love that you're putting in the work and effort to make this for me because it shows me just how much you care."
I'm not naive enough to think a woman will fall madly in love with me because I can make stuff in the kitchen. Far from it. In fact, I think it works against me on some level, because it detracts from the sparks and sexual tension that has to go into a budding relationship. But it gets a woman's attention and that's what I enjoy--the attention. The rest just isn't in the cards right now and I'm okay with that. For now, anyways.
I'm sorting a lot out in my life and this is the one thing that's going well. Ice cream is there for me and as I tell the ladies, I'll make sure it's there for you, too, if you let me. Because in the end of it all, I just want the people I care about to be happy, who isn't made happy by ice cream?
